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Click here for South Africa Diary 2003
New pictures have been added below as of July 2003. The text is otherwise as written in 2002.
This page displays regular accounts of an advanced Training for Transformation trainers' course which I attended at the Grail Centre, in the small town of Kleinmond (situated 100kms from Cape Town on the Indian Ocean side). Although these diary entries are fairly personal (they were my way of staying in touch with friends and family members while I was away), I felt it was important to display them on my website. After all, they are a powerful account of a true experience of transformation. They are a light in the darkness. I decided they could to be shared with as many people as possible. Feedback welcome!
The course is taking place over 15 months. This diary covers the first residential phase, 10 October - 10 December 2002. The second phase (January-June 2003) is the opportunity to put our knowledge into practice. We'll meet again for another 8 week residential phase in July and August 2003.
No. 1 - Sunday 20th October 2002
The sun is slowly setting over the Three
Sisters Mountains just behind the Grail Centre in Kleinmond where this course is
taking place. From Scotland, I am on the other side of the earth and the
landscape around reminds me every instant of how beautiful our planet is.
Mountains and unique flowers on one side and the Indian Ocean on the other. The
Southern Right Whales come to Kleinmond bay during the winter months to mate and
calf. They are still here. We see them regularly from the coastal path.
Wonderful sight of these huge animals who have come here for thousands and thousands
of years. Later this month they’ll leave to go back
towards the Antarctica. Today a group of us went walking in the
Kogelberg Nature Reserve, of which the Three Sisters are part. Here are a few
words about the reserve, just to make you a little envious… “Kogelberg Nature Reserve is often
considered the heart of the Cape Floral Kingdom, because of the exceptional
quality of its fynbos [fine-leafed, thick, shrub-like vegetation which occurs in
the winter rainfall area of the southern and south-western parts of the Western
Cape]. The reserve lies within the southern stretch of the rugged Hottentots
Holland mountain range, and has remained isolated and remarkably unspoilt. Its
high mountain peaks, steep kloofs, valleys and several tributaries of the
pristine Palmiet River create a sense of remote wilderness.” We had a beautiful walk. Apart from the
flowers, a clear sky and a temperature of 28 degrees, it felt like Scotland:
bare rocky mountains, no trees, heather everywhere. However, I had to cover
myself with sun cream every hour. I have discovered how strong the sun is here.
I usually don’t easily get burnt. Here it’s been different. Well, you see,
that’s due to the hole over the Antarctica, effecting the whole of Southern
Africa. And although I am not an expert on climate change, I can tell you that
the experience of this sun is nasty. Just a little reminder, after setting a
paradisiacal scene, how damaged our planet is. This trip is not supposed to sound like a honeymoon. So, what about the course? I met Sally
Timmel and Anne Hope in Dublin last year and had a wonderful connection with
them. That's how I have ended up here. Anne and Sally are truly extraordinary women. In the mid-1970s they developed the
Training for Transformation in Kenya and managed to reach over 3 million people
there, facilitating courses on leadership, gender, organisational issues,
different models of development and Paulo Freire’s method of conscientisation.
Since then they have been relentlessly working with deprived communities in
Central and Southern Africa. Sally has also been a lobbyist for 10 years in
Washington D.C. In 1990, they bought this property in Kleinmond, a predominantly
rich white holiday resort but with very deprived communities too, and made it a
wonderful training centre with great facilities. And they managed to pay the
loan back in 2 years... Someone around here (namely Sally) is certainly an
accomplished fundraiser. They have also started to work with the most deprived
communities around here, delivering Training for Transformation workshops, mainly for
women. While in Dublin, Anne, Sally and a couple
of other people decided to organise this long Training for Transformation (TfT),
for women only. They realised that TfT, now present in over 60 countries in the
world, had often been used as a tool for assertiveness and confidence building
rather than building social movements and affecting change at societal level.
So, that’s why we are here for 8 weeks and will be back next July and
August… We are supposed to be the next generation of TfT facilitators and will
be expected to go through a great deal of depth of understanding of the issues
affecting the world today and how to bring about change. 38 participants from 16 different
countries are taking part in the course. People mainly come from Africa
(Tanzania, Zambia, Rwanda, South Africa, Zimbabwe, Kenya, Uganda, Liberia). And
then we have got people from India, Mexico, Vietnam, Afghanistan, Philippines,
USA, and of course Britain. I am accompanied by two other women from Newcastle,
Julie Cruddas and Karen Clark, who work with our partner organisation RE:generate. I tremendously enjoy the diversity of the
group and love observing the “personalities” of the different countries.
It’s amazing to observe different cultures, different energies, different ways
of speaking and laughing. Friendships are starting to form. Cooking together is
part of our weekend activities. We hope to taste many different foods. A walking
group sets off every morning at 6.15 to watch the sun rising over the sea.
Sometimes the whales and dolphins are there, enjoying the first morning light. Spirituality is also all around here. In
the morning, meditation turns into prayer, dance and songs are our daily bread
and for the practicing Catholics, Mass is celebrated twice a week. And nobody
feels embarrassed to say out loud the name of God. Yesterday we went to visit
the informal settlement of Kleinmond. This is a place where Black people end up
living the utter poverty after leaving their home, miles and miles away, hoping
to find a better life. They live in fragile huts, with no sanitation in the
houses, and just a few leaking toilets at the top of the hill. There is also a
huge amount of alcoholism and more than 50% unemployment. One of our tour
guides, a very dignified woman, said to me “using the Bible is the only way
we’ll help people get out of their terrible situation”. So, here we are, in
a land where so much damage has been done to the human soul and liberation
theology is still seen as the way forward. So, the experience has somewhat been
fairly intense so far. The wounds of Africa are present every moment of the day:
civil war, displacement of population, poverty, famine, AIDS/HIV, women’s
oppression (including all the insane practices such as circumcision and other
genital mutilations). However, I feel incredibly privileged to be here, amongst
all these amazing women, building together a multicultural community.
Thanksgiving evening in Kleinmond with Sally and Anne in the middle
No. 2 - Sunday 27 October 2002
We have just had an
incredibly intense week titled “Strategic Life Management” and facilitated
by two guys from Cape Town, Dirk Marais and Garth Viljoen. It wasn’t an easy
task delivering the course to 40 full on feminist women. It was all about in
depth and holistic personal development and strategic planning through diverse
tools. We explored things like personality types (based on Hippocrates’s model
of the Choleric, Sanguine, Phlegmatic and Melancholic types), time management,
personal vision and mission statement, self-management and leadership, and even
nutrition and physical exercises. There was also a whole section on cognitive
psychology. It reminded me of a lecture that Alastair gave me on the subject
while sailing back from Burntisland on a flat day… Their approach was
interesting, introducing specific techniques to explore “cognitive
distortions”. These two guys also
do a lot of organisational management. In fact, loads of the tools we explored
could equally be applied to an organisational context. Beware, CHE people, I am
going to come back full of ideas for seminars on time management and strategic
thinking to transform the organisation… This week also saw
our first revolution at the end of a long day on Tuesday evening, when we were
gathered to see a video of Deepak Chopra after dinner. That was a non-starter:
two men in dialogue for half an hour, both in suit and tie (the interviewer was
particularly boring), talking about “Quantum Healing”, alternative medicine
and transcendental meditation in a very unintelligible way for 40 exhausted
women. And there was Dirk, wanting to lecture us again at the end on his reasons
for introducing Deepak Chopra on the course… We just rebelled and all went to
bed! Coming back to the
course, I am not sure I learnt hugely about myself during the week. I got
confirmation and affirmation for things I had been working on for a while. I
suppose it was great to have the space and spend time on my vision, goals in
life, mission statement, strengths and weaknesses etc. It reinforced things I
really need to work on. For example, I know I need to put much more emphasis on
practicing yoga and meditation, and follow my spiritual path. More than anything
else, the week has been a fantastic opportunity to build community between the
participants. I feel I have really deepened a lot of my relationships through
practicing deep listening. I got amazing stories in return, like from this woman
who is part of the staff here. We went to Cape Town on Wednesday to see a
fantastic play on women and Islam and I was travelling with her. I asked what
her husband died of (she must have mentioned it in passing). She answered AIDS.
Woops! But it appeared that she had left him many, many years ago, and therefore
didn’t get infected. But she then told us the whole story, how she was seeking
for reconciliation with him – not knowing he had AIDS, and “God kept putting
obstacles on the way” (including sending her all kinds of powerful and
“real” dreams – she kept dreaming of things that took place in reality).
And finally, when she learnt he was sick (only 5 weeks before he died), she
understood she had been protected from getting back with him. I also discovered
that this Vietnamese woman, now living in Switzerland, was one of the boat
people and got rescued very shortly after the fall of Saigon – before the
Americans stopped rescuing refugees from the boats. Amazing story. She’s a
great woman. I also talked to a
woman from Zimbabwe who’s easily in her mid-forties. She told me how she and
her husband are still very close. “In my country it is very rare to have a
friend as your husband. We do a lot of things together”, she said. She also
loves nature and has loads of plants in her house. I asked her: “Who is going
to look after your plants while you are away?” “My husband, and he knows
I’ll be very disappointed if, when I come back, I discover he hasn’t been
looking after them properly. He knows I care deeply for them.” I laughed and
said “well my husband told me a few days ago that some of my plants have lost
their leaves because he forgot to water them for a whole week…” There is also this
wonderful South African woman, a great actress and singer. She’s always full
of laughter. The other day, she told me she is the only person working in a
family of 9 children. Her parents are now old and most of the children are still
of school age (she is the second in the family). She therefore supports them
with school fees etc. and ends up with very little money for herself at the end
of the month. She doesn’t manage to save anything but is desperate to go to
university and get a degree. She is very bright and would certainly do
brilliantly. I know she’ll succeed. And then we’ve
got this young woman from Afghanistan who first fled from Kabul in 1990 when the
Taliban took the city, went up to the North of the country but had to escape
again when the Taliban progressed to the area. She moved to Pakistan with all
her family and finally managed to obtain a refugee visa for the States. She now
lives there and works for the Women’s Refugee Network based in Atlanta.
She’s very funny and expressive as a participant, always coming up with
examples, stories and other contributions. She’s great, a complete extrovert. And she’s got a lot of love to give too. So, that’s a
little taster of the kind of people we have on the course. I still have many
people to talk to. I find these encounters incredibly enriching and refreshing.
These women have a lot of energy to change the world. It’s just great. Today, I went walking to the estuary of the River Palmiet, along the coastal path in Kleinmond, with a small group of us. The geraniums were absolutely amazing as we walked through this area of land that burnt two or three years ago. Life is blooming there. We walked barefoot along the shore and were accompanied for a while by a beautiful white heron. Wilderness again, an hour from the centre…
No. 3 - Sunday 3rd November, 2002 Yesterday
we spent the day in Cape Town. On our way there, we drove through Kahelishia, a
Black township that unveils miles and miles of dirty streets, miserable shacks
and crowds of idle people. Talking to people here brings such revelations about
what the apartheid regime did. And until I saw the segregation and heard all
these stories, I hadn’t fully integrated what the reality of apartheid
actually looked like. A
woman who works here and is of Afrikaans descent, told me the other day that she
grew up in a little town, not very far from here and never saw a Black person
throughout all her childhood. All their domestics were coloured people (i.e.
mixed blood) and everyone in shops, in the street, and at school were white.
It’s just incredible how efficient the apartheid regime was in repressing
African culture. And
the pathologies are now blatant, including increasing violence. In fact,
yesterday afternoon, while we were discovering the astonishing beauty of the
city – no wonder the Dutch immigrants decided to settle there – we drove
through the rich neighborhoods of Cape Town. Of course the difference with the
shacks in the township was remarkable but most striking was the sign on every
single door of these luxurious villas: ADT Security [name of the security firm]
– Armed Response. It says it all… I was feeling sick by the end of the day.
Just too much injustice to take in, really. But
to bring a glimpse of light in this grim reality, we took part in a
meeting with a wonderful bunch of women interested in meeting us and sharing
their experiences of working on women’s issues. The meeting was organised by
the Grail, the very organisation that actually delivers our course. The training
centre in Kleinmond also belongs to them. They are an international organisation
of ecumenical women, aiming at bringing about change at all levels of society.
Sally and Anne joined the South African group a long time ago and developed most
of their projects through it. Our
meeting with these women yesterday unfolded amazing creativity, deep sharing,
loads of laughter and songs after songs after songs. You know these deeply
moving South African voices. We had them for the whole day yesterday, starting
in the bus from Kleinmond with our four South Africans dancing and singing for a
big part of the 3-hour long journey. Where do they find their energy, I just
don’t know. And then we carried on singing throughout our meeting in Cape
Town. It was truly amazing. No wonder they got rid of the apartheid regime with
such spirit and cultural energy. At
the end of each week, we are asked to write a paper that integrates our
learnings and reflections on how we may apply them in our daily reality.
Let me now share what I wrote this week. It will give you some insights
in what the course is actually about… On
Friday morning, when one of the participants said, “I am questioning what
transformation is all about and what we are doing here”, I thought to myself,
“great, the deep questions are starting to kick in. The deep learning is
definitely going to happen now.” I
am delighted these questions are arising in the group. I think we all need to go
in great depth questioning the nature of our work, why we are doing it and
whether we blindly believe we are making a difference in communities and beyond.
Somehow I believe that Friday marked a turning point in the course and we will
see the group dynamics changing enormously. I think that the PRA [Participatory
Rural Appraisal] exercise we practised in Overhills, the informal settlement,
had a deep impact on people and has started a process of critical reflection on
the whole concept of transformation. That
day, I also realised the risk that the facilitators took in organising this
course. In a context where the complexity of the issues is so huge, and the
forces we are up against so powerful, it is really courageous of them to bring
40 women together to look at transforming their communities, nations and the
world. Increasing people’s consciousness may lead to serious feelings of
despair and powerlessness. The challenge, which we share too at the Centre for
Human Ecology, is to open people’s eyes, have the courage to face these
feelings of despair and take everyone on to a journey of personal empowerment
and spiritual deepening, while providing tools for action. And
a small (?) but challenging question arose in me at the end of the week as
regards to the relevance of the Freirian methodology and Training for
Transformation in today’s world. I was thinking, “These two approaches were
respectively developed in the 60s and 70s. Can they still work today or are we
deluding ourselves in our comfort zones? Don’t we need to reinvent things from
scratch, considering how much the world has changed and how complex everything
has become since these ideas emerged initially?” But reflecting on it, this is
exactly what the organisers are trying to do: the brochure rightly advertises
the course as “Adapting Paulo Freire’s work to our changing reality”… Maybe
I am overly pessimistic but in the present world situation, I find it very
difficult to believe that individuals – even when part of organisations –
have got the power to make a big difference, unless they are exceptional beings.
What we need is to build alliances, become part of social movements, and
constantly re-evaluate our work. And is this, at the end of the day, even going
to make a difference? This is why, as activists we need to put spirituality at
the heart of our work to keep the struggle going and avoid serious burnout. For
me, it means going deeper and deeper into my spiritual self, stay modest in my
capacity to bring about change and work on stopping acting out of the ego. And I
believe these are considerations we need to look at very closely on this course.
This is why I was so excited by the discussion we had on values this past week.
I felt that that was a really important moment of exploration of the emptiness
within, the fundamental fear of existence and rejection of the transcendence
that make us internalise and follow these rubbish western values. In
fact, this reminds me of a short exchange I had with Dirk Marais last week after
the session on time management where I had mentioned the ego as an obstacle to
shift from the crisis to the quality quadrant. He said to me, “you are
completely right about the ego issue but it can be very explosive to open it up
here and I am not sure the group is ready for it.” Maybe not right now, but by
week 7, when we’ll devote our time to look at spiritual issues, everyone may
well be ripe! The
past week has been so intense that I still find it hard to digest and discern
all the learning that occurred then. Once better understood, I discovered that
the dynamic model would be a powerful tool to introduce to the CHE students the
concept of structural analysis. I think it could also be powerful to use it with
communities as part of the conscientisation process. In fact, since facilitating
our first TfT course last January and February, we have been asking ourselves
how to make conscientisation more central to our training programmes. I am
therefore looking forward to the next couple of weeks to explore this notion
more deeply. When
we were discussing the dynamic model within our team, questions arose about the
existence of an anti-poverty movement in Britain, in which we could inscribe our
training courses and other actions with communities. I was reflecting on other
social and people’s movements focusing on areas like ecology, disability,
women, nuclear weapons, globalisation, land reform and even racism. In each of
these movements, it’s possible to identify some kind of leadership and
coherent networks at both individual and organisational levels. When we look at
poverty, it’s much more difficult to see any interesting patterns or strong
energy for action. The
whole area of social inclusion has been hijacked by governmental schemes called
Social Inclusion Partnerships or Local Strategic Partnerships (depending on
whether you are in Scotland or England) and we couldn’t think of many truly
radical initiatives. So, the question is, “When we deliver TfT workshops, are
we doing it as part of a social movement? And if we consider that popular
education and social movements work in synergy as we saw it last Monday, are we
truly applying and working with the principles of popular education, such as, in
particular, challenging the status quo and leading into action?” This
is a complex issue. The NGO sector is incredibly competitive because of scarce
resources. It’s therefore lacking radical vision, everybody being too busy
fundraising and trying to keep their head above the parapet. For me, this raises
profound questions about the nature of our work in Britain, its effects and its
sustainability. Nothing new in effect and I suspect these are exactly the type
of questions we were expected to ask ourselves at the end of this week!
No. 4 - Sunday 17 November 2002 The
last two weeks have been incredibly intense and despite having three free
days, I never managed to find the time to write a diary entry at the end of last
week. It is been intense, yes, but also completely mind-blowing or, I believe,
“life transforming” at all kinds of different levels. First
of all, these last two weeks were devoted to the exploration of the Freirian
approach to transformation, also called “conscientisation”: listening to the
generative themes in communities or nations (issues that people feel strongly
about and that will potentially engender action); in-depth analysis of these issues from
different perspectives such as economic structures, values and beliefs,
decision-making processes, gender and ecology; presenting back the generative
themes to the community (through “codes”) and exploring strategies for
action. We
also got fascinating inputs on Paulo Freire (his influences, ideas, achievements
etc.), explored the conditions underlying shifts of consciousness (at personal
and communal levels), and we looked at what made the Kenyan Training for
Transformation programme (that Sally and Anne developed in the 70s) so
successful. Finally, we explored the different elements that take place in
“transformative currents”: individual versus social transformation, the
place and nature of adult education, conscientisation, breaking the “culture
of silence”, socio-economic analysis, conflict management, gender and ecology,
the central place of spirituality, values and ethics, organisational
development, group process and personal psychology, and finally, strategic
planning. Anything else you can think of? No wonder these past two weeks have been so intense. And
to make all of this relevant to our work, we spent a great deal of time
evaluating our programmes and organisations as to whether our approaches are
actually reinforcing the present worldview or contribute to real transformation.
This was very enriching. It
became clear to me that the Centre for Human Ecology through which my work is
presently taken place, is lacking a strong involvement in social movements in
Scotland, in the UK and globally. We are an educational organisation and to my
view, we need to seriously start looking at becoming an “activist organisation”.
I feel it needs to be very clear within the CHE that we are working towards
building people’s movements, starting with our students, as well as with
grassroots communities and individuals we work with. Otherwise, we may end up
stuck in our comfort zones, teaching, learning, training. We need to be fully
involved in mobilising people into action rather than just educating them. And
this, of course, raises important questions about the way we work, the real
nature of our approaches (including using Training for Transformation) and the
values underpinning our work. A
truly transformative approach would be about helping people connect with deeper
currents of transformation, not only localised action. That will require
commitment and energy but also we’ll need to nourish our own consciousness.
How, as an organisation, do we stay in touch with these deeper currents? How do
we overcome institutional constraints (like charitable status and related
funding issues) as well as internal resistances (which may represent the biggest
challenge)? How do we maintain a balance between personal sustainability and
activist involvement, both at individual and organisational levels? And
maybe part of the answer lies in spirituality. These past two weeks have made me
think that our work needs to become much more explicitly spiritual. How? I am
not quite sure yet, considering the fact that spirituality is often confused
with religion and therefore attracts a lot of resistance. This will require
in-depth reflection within the organisation. One
strategy would be to make Alastair’s work on spiritual activism more
integrated in our strategy and featured in our publicity. Alastair is developing
a new optional module on our Master’s degree called Spiritual Activism, to
commence in January 2003. But if you look at our CHE website, there’s hardly
any mention of centering our work in spirituality. Another
way would be to make the programme that Nick and I manage (Community Empowerment
Programme) more explicitly spiritual. For example I think it would be very
interesting to draw on the transformative aspects of different religions and
cultures we will be working with. That also will need to be thought through
within our team but I really think we’ve got no alternative if we want to
radically transform our work. By “spiritual” I mean, “that which gives
life”, because the spiritual is the source of all deep life. Much
interesting and challenging time in perspective when I go back to Scotland… These
past two weeks have also been incredibly enriching at a personal level. I feel I
have been bombarded with deep challenges coming from the group here, from home
(in particular from my beloved Alastair who is missing me horribly), from
friends and colleagues. I have really been through intense questioning of
myself; in particular in relation to my ability to empathise and connect deeply
with people. Painful stuff that brought me back to childhood dynamics. I have
been challenged in my values, attitudes and beliefs. On the one hand it’s been
wonderful: great to feel I am growing and deepening. On the other hand it’s
just been exhausting. In
the midst of all of that I managed to read Ken Wilber’s book “The marriage
of Sense and Soul”. Wilber is
someone who is frequently referred to at the Centre for Human Ecology and other
environmental circles and I am really glad I’ve entered into his realm of
thinking. I
have been fascinated by his take on contemplation and his view on religion and
spirituality. It made me think deeply about the importance of meditation and how
it is the way of genuinely connecting with the Divine. In fact, although I still
can’t articulate it very well, his view that the Divine can only be truly
reached through the eye of contemplation made me realise why intellectualising
the existence of God has always created such blockages in me. So,
reading this book has given me a strange new grounding in spiritual matters. I
used to completely intellectualise the existence of God, get stuck on the words
and I never deeply attempted to connect with God from the “eye of
contemplation”. I tried to meditate many times before but always quickly gave
up. In fact, I have been helped in this process by a wonderful woman, someone
that, in the Roman Catholic tradition, would be called a “spiritual
companion”. When I meet with her, she always insists on the importance of
finding this place of stillness or as she calls it, “the place of the
heart”. What she’s been telling me is now starting to sink in at a deeper
level than just my intellect. Last Friday morning, after a new challenge had “landed on my plate” I got hugely energised at the thought of centering my life and work into this “place of the heart”. I strongly felt that meditation had to become absolutely central to my life and I was wishing that Alastair would support and even join me in regular practice of meditation. Also, I felt that being centered in spirituality is the only way I could carry on growing, being nourished in who I am, in what I do and in my relationship with Alastair and others. So,
the last two weeks have certainly been full of challenges both at intellectual
and emotional levels. I have been through painful processes that have
significantly deepened my consciousness. Yet I feel very alive, profoundly
enriched and full of energy, despite the physical tiredness. It’s quite
remarkable actually. I feel very blessed to have been given this opportunity to
come to South Africa. And I feel blessed to have the immense privilege of
spending all this time with Sally and Anne, as well as the other facilitators
and resource persons invited at different times. They are truly amazing,
profound and committed activists. I
have now started to read another book from Ken Wilber, “Grace and Grit”
about the death of his wife from breast cancer. The first few chapters have already blown my mind.
The depth of this couple’s love and relationship fascinates me. I also loved
the way he describes his wife in the introduction. I find it very consoling to
read the words of a man who admires and loves his woman that deeply; the future of
humanity and the planet certainly rests in men’s learning to respect and
follow women, as well as the feminine within them.
The Ugandan team in reflective pose
No.
5 - Sunday 24 November 2002 This
past week was focused on the theme of spirituality. It has been marked by two
events, which I believe took me a good few miles forward on my spiritual path. The
first one took place at the beach, in Kleinmond where Anne Hope and her
colleague theologian took us for a silent walk and a reflection on the “Jesus
Movement”. As I was later walking alone along the shore and then in the dunes,
I was taken back to the beaches of my childhood in Ivory Coast and Congo. So, I
walked and walked and walked. I took my shoes off and let my feet get washed by
the water, letting my mind wander with memories of when I was a little girl and
later a teenager. The
experience of wilderness was wonderful. In fact, I hadn’t realised that this part
of the coast was so wild. So far I had only walked along the coastal path, which
is bordered by the most incredibly ugly rich houses. The birds life in the dunes is
just amazing while I had noticed, along the path, a great lack of birds presence.
In the dunes, I also found fascinating “footprints” in the sand which I
enjoyed following. I also spotted a deer-like animal but no sight of the ponies,
apart from a few droppings to remind me they are not completely mythical,
despite the fact nobody ever sees them. It is said that a herd of wild ponies,
which were abandoned after the Anglo-Boer War, roams the flats of the Bot River
estuary precisely where I was walking. In
my solitude, I realised I hadn’t done any significant walking on my own since
the beginning of the course and it was a great feeling of freedom. And of
course, for me, this contact with nature is the one of the most powerful
spiritual experiences. Unspoiled places prepare one’s soul for a very special
connection with the Universe. When I attempted to meditate in the dunes, I found that
this direct experience of nature, with all my senses, was just wonderful. And
next time I go to the beach I’ll have my swimming togs… After all, this is
the Indian Ocean, where the Great Southern Whale comes to mate and give birth! While
walking, I strongly felt the need to once again work on becoming more aware,
mindful, present through meditation, through contemplation, by taking time for
it. And just let go of the rest. Just let go. Be with the Spirit, commit yourself only
to this discovery and Life, God, Sophia, will take care of the rest. However, I
am scared that once at home, I’ll just go back to the old pattern of
succumbing to stress and pressure at work, always finding an excuse not to carry
on the meditation practice. The
other significant event of the week happened when I was chatting with Sally in
the office on Friday morning. We were passionately talking about Ken Wilbur’s
“Grace and Grit” as one does when you are, or have been deeply touched, by a
book. We ended up touching on the subject of simplicity or simple living, and
its connection with social and environmental justice. It
came to me how this is another integral part of the journey; deepening the
meaning and practice of simplicity. Certainly I think that being fully present
to a place, honouring its landscape and nature, and being in solidarity with the
people inhabiting it or those who are just passing by are really part of this
journey towards simplicity. Yes,
a part of me is also saying I’d love to see other places in South Africa. If I
am here, it’s a pity not to take advantage of the opportunities to travel. But
it’s been good to be here, as present and involved as I could in the group and
the place. Certainly, taking the time to walk the land around here has been such
a gift! I
find it fascinating that I hadn’t really touched on the issue of simplicity
since coming here. Looking around in my bedroom, I have certainly been aware of
the sheer amount of stuff I have, compared to Marie-Josée, my roommate. I have
mentioned simplicity a few times in the group. But I hadn’t explored the issue
in great depth. On Friday, for some reason, I felt particularly touched by it. I
was actually very stuck by something Anne said during the week. She was talking
of spirituality and development work and was noticing how demanding this type of
work is and how much generosity is involved in doing it. And then she said, “I
love a generous person!” And, yes, she’s completely right. It makes a huge
difference in the impact one can have. It also shows, I think, how committed to
justice a person truly is. I
have loved all these explorations this past week. This is very rich work; it’s
rich and enriching because it is challenging to the core. I have also loved
getting into deep conversations with my fellow sisters in relation to
spirituality, religions, the existence of God and the nature and growth of our
commitment. Profound questioning and personal transformation are now visibly happening in the group and I suspect some people will need a lot of support when
they go back home. I was struck to learn about the corruption of the Church in
Africa and the pressure exerted by the community on anyone who’s not walking
the acceptable path. There is certainly a need for a big social movement to
address this incredible oppression from spiritual powers. Once
again, this week has been very rich although I thought that after so much
personal work in the past weeks, I might not have much energy left to carry on
transforming…
Early morning pilgrimage to Kleinmond beach
No.6 - Saturday 21st December (Winter Solstice) 2002 I left South Africa two weeks ago already but felt it was important to give an end to my account of the course as this first phase has now finished. The two last weeks of the course were somehow particularly intense. On the seventh week, we looked at conflict transformation and spent a lot of time discussing and analysing the incredibly violent ethnic conflicts that are ravaging Africa. The four Rwandans had the difficult task to help us understand the root-causes of the 1994 genocide. The situation was extremely complex and remains fragile to this day, as the reconciliation process does not seem to bear much fruit. How can a country recover from such bloody episodes in its close (and not so close) history?
Of course, we were all left with feelings of horror in front of such cruelty and barbaric attitudes. But we could also see hope in the courage and determination of our four Rwandan friends. After all, they had all survived the atrocities, members of their families had been massacred, and yet, they were able to laugh and make community with one another (although they were coming from both Hutu and Tutsi backgrounds). Marie-Josée, my room-mate was also embodying hope for me. As a trauma counselor, she had a wonderful gift for listening and knew well that her role in today’s Rwanda was essential. Helping people express their feelings of despair, horror and sadness and helping them to open to life seemed to be her life vocation. And this woman is so gifted! I feel very privileged to have met her and shared a lot with her. In the group, we all acknowledged the enormous difficulties to transform conflicts that find their roots in slavery, colonialism and economic neo-liberalism, especially in non-democratic situations. In Rwanda, to take only one example, one cannot express critical opinions without taking the risk of being sent to jail. While America and Britain are threatening to declare war on Iraq, we are all challenged in our capacity to tackle the roots of oppression and violence. We can all agree that conflict transformation starts in our hearts and in our communities but how do we go further, how do we voice our profound disagreement and despair with what’s going on at national and international levels? Back to Scotland now, and my challenge is to integrate and put into practice the learnings that unfolded throughout the course. At a professional level, my work with the Training for Transformation approach with colleagues at the Centre for Human Ecology will hopefully spread out in the next few years in Scotland and the UK (in collaboration with REgenerate and other organisations). I am looking forward to working with individuals and communities who want to bring about change and will find in this Freirian approach a powerful tool. Interestingly but not surprisingly, it’s at the personal level that this course has had the most immediate effect. In my diaries, I talk a lot of spirituality and my own journey towards the divine principle, God, the Goddess, however we want to name this dimension that is beyond you and me. Being away for 9 weeks and sharing about my personal transformative processes has had a big impact on my relationship with Alastair, my husband. While Alastair was (horribly) suffering of my absence, I was also being challenged at all kinds of levels. This has had the effect of opening up wounds and blockages in both of us, which we didn’t really know existed. We’ve also become aware of unhelpful attitudes and mindsets in our relationship. Since I came back, Alastair and I have continued to work together on these blockages and have made spirituality much more central to our lives: waking up early in the morning for half an hour meditation preceded by yoga and other physical exercises, reading mystical literature and making adjustments to live a healthier life. And the love that’s springing out of this is amazing. For all searchers of happiness, try a more “monastic” life and see how it goes… On this day of solstice and while we are preparing for Christmas, this experience that we have shared of South Africa and TfT strikes me as being a powerful symbol of light in the darkness. Women across the world are bearers of hope. If and when men are ready, women will know how to involve their male companions in transformative processes. When I think of my friends on the course, I know that their stories, courage and commitment will carry me for a long time. And I am looking forward to seeing them again next year for the second phase of this long training course.
Until then, this will be the last of my
South African diaries. Thank you for taking the
time to read through this diary. I do believe that such sharing helps to build the courage we
all need to undertake work that facilitates transformation.
Click here for South Africa Diary 2003
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